Tears to Shed
by Aislinn101
Summary: Briana and Bella Swan were both bitten during the fight with James. But only one turned... And she is realizing how much of a burden being a vampire is... and how great being a human again would be. Jealousy is a cruel thing.
1. Chapter 1

_If I touch a burning candle I can feel no pain__  
__If you cut me with a knife it's still the same__  
__And I know her heart is beating__  
__And I know that I am dead__  
__Yet the pain here that I feel__  
__Try and tell me it's not real__  
__For it seems that I still have a tear to shed_

_Tim Burton's "The Corpse Bride"_

"Alice," I groaned to my adopted sister as she pulled my by the arm towards the dress salon. "I don't want, or _need_, to do this!"

"Yes you do!" She insisted for, what seemed to be, the tenth time. "You can't go to your sister's wedding wearing your usual plaid shirt and jeans."

"Hey!" I snapped. "Do not be mocking my look. It's a classic." Alice snorted and opened the door of the store, pushing me in first. The smell of expensive dresses filled my nose and made me cringe.

"Don't worry," Bella whispered in my ear as Alice went to get someone, "It's not that bad."

"Yeah, says you!" I laughed turning towards her. She smiled at me and I pulled her into a tight hug- making sure not too squeeze too tight.

I could feel her body chuckle in amusement. "What is this? The 'don't touch me' Briana is giving me a hug?"

I smiled along with her and gave her a small squeeze before letting go. "I just can't believe that you're going to be married! And to Edweird." I couldn't help the snort that came from me, imagining the vampire my sister fell madly in love with waiting at the end of the altar. He definitely had grown to be like an older brother to me which meant that I could make fun of him endlessly.

Bella sighed and rolled her eyes. "His name's Edward." She said his name out slowly as if she were talking to a child. She used that voice on me a lot.

"I know, obviously. Edweird just suits him better. I mean, he did confess to watching you while you slept."

Bella sighed, almost dreamily. "That's not weird, it's sweet."

I rolled my eyes and murmured, "Delusional" when Alice called my name- rather impatiently I may add.

"Briana Swan! Get your butt into these dresses right now!"

"God, calm down!" I yelled back at her, which only got me a stern look in return.

"It will be over soon." Bella reassured me and pushed me towards the little pixie.

"Okay, I'm coming!" I quickened my pace, grabbing onto the dresses that she held out for me to try on. Mind as well gets this over with.

Closing the changing door behind me, I hung up the dresses on hangers before taking a step back and observing the choices before me. Oh, great. There were five dress choices- nothing stood out to me, really. One was bright red. No, thank you- too bright, I do not want to be noticed. Yellow, with lace. That is just stupid because, again, it is too bright and obnoxious. The light blue one would be alright- if it wasn't adorned with stupid designs of roses. White was not in the question- I am not the bride, my sister is. The last one was a dark blue- simple, but… I just do not want to do this right now.

"Alice!" I rubbed my eyes with my hands. I now I couldn't feel physically tired anymore, but shopping was still the thing that I hated to do, "Can't I just get a black dress?"

"It is a wedding, not a funeral."

"Fine!"

I heard Bella chuckle and allowed myself to smile. At least a good thing that came out of this shopping trip was that Bella was getting at least some amusement. She had been looking nervous for the past weeks, waiting for the day next week when she was to marry Edwei- Edward.

I decided to try the dark blue one- just because it was closer to black and, I would never admit it to her, but I did like it. Bracing myself as I put the blue silk over my head, I basically catapulted myself out the door- pushing it with force and keeping my eyes closed. I really did not want to see what kind of expressions were on my sister's faces.

Silence. That was it. No one spoke, no one made a sound. The only sound made was a small gasp from the sales woman.

"For goodness sake, open your eyes!" Alice exclaimed. I could basically hear her smile. "You look amazing!"

When I opened them, my eyes grew wide. Now, I had gotten used to the whole "beautiful qualities", or better yet, the features that were merely advanced, when one became a vampire, but I looked like a completely different person. I didn't know what to do as Alice came over to me and took my hair out of my ponytail, letting my dark brown hair (just a shade darker than Bella's) just fall by itself. The usual waves in my hair that took me ages to manage just seemed to hang perfectly. My ivory pale face was such a contrast to the simple blue dress. It had large straps and it was just to my knee. It was simple- just like I like it, but it somehow was gorgeous.

"You look beautiful!" Bella told me quietly as she made her way beside me placing a hand on my shoulder. I smiled at her kindness before my face fell into a frown as the salesperson brought over another woman holding a measuring tape.

"Oh no." I inwardly groaned as I realized that they had to make some adjustments.

"You look positively grand, my child." The woman with the overly-large glasses said and instructed me to put my arms out.

I watched in the mirror as Alice and Bella lounged on the couch, chatting away about the wedding. They were watching me with excited eyes.

"Guys, please, can you not watch me?"

Alice rolled her eyes and was about to protest, but thank god I have a sister who has almost the same mind set as me about shopping.

"Sure, Brie. We'll be at the book store down the street, all right? Just come when you're done!"

I smiled in thanks and Bella led the fiery little pixie out of the store- her protests still heard outside.

Chuckling to myself, I realized that the seamstress was looking at the door they just went out of with an uneasy expression.

"Excuse me, you alright?" She looked back towards me with narrowed eyes and stood up from her crouch. I made to come down towards her, but she held up a hand as if to stop me.

"I know what you are." She stated plainly- accusingly.

My body went rigid in shock as I realized that she had just mouthed the words, "cold-blood".

"Listen," I spoke carefully, seeing the fear starting to creep into her eyes, "I am not going to hurt you. I live peacefully and I don't bring any harm to others."

Her eyes were still narrowed, but realization seemed to dawn on her. Taking off her glasses, she cautiously sat down- scrutinizing me with large, brown eyes.

"How do you do it?" That question took me off guard. Out of everything that I was expecting (one was, of course, her running around screaming), that question did not make sense. She obviously had heard tribe stories about my 'kind', but she didn't seem to spit on me. She was genuinely curious.

"How do I do what?" Again, I treaded through my words carefully- almost as if thinking that if I moved too much she would go crazy.

"Not grow up? I know that some of the tribe can be immortal, but they are still able to do things."

I wanted to laugh for some reason. "Things?"

"Yes. Go to college, have a mate, start a family…." She then grew angry, violently standing up and walking towards me. "You are dangerous-"

"Whoa, calm down…" I tried to reason with her. It was like a switch just went off in her. I've heard about the stories about the tribe and things- and it was like all of that hatred from what vampires did in that time was coming through her. A small girl with a measuring tape in her hand. And where did the other girl go…

"Your kind is not natural. You probably wanted this to happen…"

"Wait just a minute!" I bellowed, not expecting my voice to sound so defensive. "I did not ask for this, and I don't know who would ask for this life! I was attacked and now I must live with the consequence of being the same disgusting species as the man who did this to me!"

She stared at me with pity. PITY. She had the nerve to look down on me when I could easily snap her neck in two…. Calm down, Brie. Please. I gripped my head in my hands, tearing at the roots of my hair as the night came back to me.

Just even remembering it sent an involuntary chill up my spine. The sickening crack of Bella's leg breaking into two by the same man that sunk his teeth into my neck as I tried to save her. I would do anything for my sister. She is my best friend. But that night, I had made a decision that took a toll on my life. When we were both bitten—only one of us could make it. They couldn't take the venom out of both of us- it would take too much time. So I told them to let me go.

The worst part was the fire. Not the one that they burned James in, but the one that spread through my body. I could feel the ache in my bones, muscles—but the worst was the realization that my life would change forever. It was a feeling that made me feel as though I was so vulnerable and weak…

I shook my head, taking me out of my thoughts to see the seamstress was still staring at me. STARING at ME. Her head was tilted to the side, exposing her neck… oh, god. Not now. Please, not now. I was still a fairly new vampire and my skills for self-control were fairly good, but could still use some work. I finally became aware of the sweet smell of her blood- hearing it pump through her veins… Maybe if I told her that she would stop looking at me.

I had to get out of here. Damn it… why did this make me so mad? I've been handling everything so well!

"I have to go." I stated and quickly ran into the changing stall, slamming the door shut behind me. I leant my head against the door and took in a large breath. Not that I needed too, but because it seemed like a normal human thing to do. I am not unnatural. I am not dangerous.

_You just threatened to break her neck in two_. An annoying voice- some claim it's a conscious, but I beg to differ- reminded me in my head.

_I never threatened; I just said that I could_. I tried to say back, but as I pulled the dark blue silk over my head, everything dawned on me.

Stuck at fifteen. That was the thought that was painfully engraved into my mind as I changed into my jeans and plaid shirt. Staring at myself in the mirror I realized that I did look strange. I looked as though I was out of place- I was unnatural. I could only pretend to be human for so long before I broke.

My eyes felt extremely heavy and were stinging. I should be crying now, but I couldn't. I could never be the age to get a driver's license, I could never grow old, never be allowed to be in a club… but those were stupid things. Those didn't really catch my attention. The things about my future did. I would never have a 'mate' and I would never have children. No one would believe it, but I did want that. I wanted to have a child that was from me—someone to care for. As well, I will never have what Bella has. She has someone who loves her endlessly. Rosalie has Emmett. Alice has Jasper. Carlisle has Esme. Edward has Bella. I will have no one.

Damn it! I sound like a stupid girl, crying over the boy that hasn't come along yet. Why am I still in the changing room? Why is my mind all over the place!

I just feel like breaking down and crying…. Crying…. Crying…

I realized that my eyes were extremely heavy and were stinging. It quickly dawned on me that I should be crying now, but I couldn't. I had no tears to shed.


	2. Chapter 2

_Sometimes I wish I could find my Rosemary Hill  
I'd sit there and look at the deserted lakes and I'd sing  
And every once in a while I'd sing a song for you  
That would rise above the mountains and the stars and the sea  
And if I wanted it to it would lead you back to me  
And the lion's roar, the lion's roar  
Is something that I have heard before  
A children's tale, the lonesome wail of a lion's roar_

_First Aid Kit's "The Lion's Roar" _

**A/N: Finals are almost completed! WOO HOO! :D Haha, sorry for the wait! **

**Ok, so I have decided to add my own vampire OC who is going to be attending the wedding… she has powers that I need to use, in order for no one to be able to recognize Bella… **

**anywho, keep reading and reviewing! **

After my little meltdown in the change room, I got out of there fast. Not even bothering to look back at the La Push woman (who clearly was annoying) and just throwing money her way for the dress, I quickly made my way to the book store.

"Brie!" I turned towards Alice's voice. She and Bella were smiling at me widely- waving me over to the car that they parked in front of the book store.

I made my way over to them, thinking it better to not delve into the whole crazy- wolf lady's discussion. My sister was already a nervous wreck about the wedding; I don't want her to have to worry about me. She has had to do that a lot.

"You didn't get anything?" I enquired, taking in their empty hands.

"Of course we did!" Bella exclaimed sarcastically, picking up a book that was thrown into the back seat. I took it from her and scoffed.

_How to Have the Perfect Wedding_. "Don't tell me you bought this yourself."

Bella scoffed. "What do you think?" She pointed to Alice who took it roughly out of her hands and flipped through the pages.

I shook my head, teasingly. "I should've known. You only buy those romance novels…"

Bella rolled her eyes, using that same parental tone again. As if I was still a child. "They are classics, Briana."

"Whatever, you just-" I was about to reply with a kick ass comeback, when I was pushed inside the car. In a split second I fell on my ass in the back seat with a loud thud. I looked beside me to come face to face with Alice, seated on the other side. I could barely see Bella outside because of the dark tinted windows. But what I could see, she was confused- looking side to side. Realizing that Alice could have just destroyed our whole plan, I gave her a glare.

"What the hell, Ali-" Again I was cut off by the little vampire, except with her hand on my mouth.

"Briana, quiet! It's your dad!" My eyes widened at the mention of my father.

I could hear Bella yell hello to Charlie.

"Hey Charlie! Yep, just shopping with Alice!"

"Damn, that's my cue." Alice murmured and got out of the car.

"Hello, Charlie! Just a girl's day out!"

"Have fun, girls!" I heard my dad say in his awkward, gruff voice. If breathing was something that I could still do, I would've taken a big intake of breath.

I hadn't heard my dad's voice in these last couple of years. In the first year that I became a vampire, it was only feasible that I couldn't pull it off and fool people. There were just too many reasons to list off. First off, I am deathly pale. Way too pale for words, I am even amazed that when I go out to La Push like this that I don't scare more little children. How could people be so stupid and not realize that us Cullens are all adopted yet look strangely alike? Also, I am cold. If I were to hug Charlie, he would've gotten frost bite.

I missed him. A lot. Before Bella came to live here in Forks it was just me and him. We used to watch the games on television together, head out to the diner, and just… he was my dad. My best friend.

I sat up more, trying to peek through the window to catch a glimpse of him, but I only saw the back of his police uniform. I could smell it from where I was sitting and I inhaled the scent, trying to remember the scent that I had been missing for many years. Sure, I smelled it whenever I saw Bella but that was different. Now, he was so close…

I felt bad for him. He was the only one out of the loop. At least in the part of La Push we were in, I could hide who I was better- partly because everyone knew about the wolves and vampires here. Plus because of one of my vampire friends, Matilda. (A/N: Again, more about her later ) She has this uncanny ability to cloud people's judgements, making them see things that are not there. Luckily it lasted well for me, but Carlisle is nervous about my dad. You know, I am his daughter… bound to realize sooner or later. That is why no one recognized me as Briana Swan. In their eyes, I guess I was just a Cullen look-alike.

Bella and Alice made their way back into the car. Alice went into the driving seat, yet Bella came and shoved me over, sitting in the back seat with me.

"Why was he down here? Bella, I thought you said he was watching the game today?"

"That's what he said!" Bella defended herself.

I wrung my hands together for a moment. "It got cancelled today. The game."

Alice sighed as she started the car. "Well, at least he didn't see you."

I nodded as we began to drive and shifted my eyes to the moving scenery outside the window. I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders and looked towards Bella, who smiled at me. I smiled back at her and rested my head against her shoulder- trying to hide my sudden sadness.

Hmm… I've been doing that a lot lately.

**XxXxXxXxX**

_****_"We're back!" Alice sang as we entered the Cullen's- well, our- home. I felt so out of place, really. It was so grand, spacious and… clean. I couldn't even count the many times I had walked into Charlie and I's home back in the day with at least some mud on my face from my baseball games. If I had any now, I would feel bad if I got the white couches dirty.

"How'd it go?" Rosalie asked, leaning against Emmett as he watched a reality television show. I laughed as I jumped over the couch, squeezing in beside them. Rosalie pouted playfully before giving me a side hug. "Did you find a dress, Brie?"

I sighed dramatically. "Unfortunately." Rosalie chuckled.

"It was gorgeous on her!" Alice piped up, heading up the stairs, Bella following her- probably trying to find Edweird. I could hear the piano playing its melody from upstairs.

Emmett snorted from beside me and ruffled my hair, to which I glared at him for.

"Briana Cullen in a dress? What has the world come too?"

Scoffing, I socked him in the shoulder. "Shut up. Seriously, will you ever grow up?"

Emmett chuckled and continued to ruffle my hair. "Nope. I can't actually. I shall be this immature _forever_." He emphasized forever in a very creepy, halloweenish way that I couldn't do anything else but laugh hysterically.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and smiled before getting up and walking upstairs to follow Alice and Bella. I leaned my head against Emmett's shoulder and sighed. These people were my older siblings, really. And I loved them all very much. I would never admit it out loud to them, but I really enjoyed when they treated me like their true younger sister- even if sometimes they could be way over protective.

I looked to the television and chuckled as I saw what was on.

"Why are you watching The Housewives of New Jersey?"

"The game was cancelled." He deadpanned, yet I could tell that he was really enthralled by these fancy, bitchy women. I chuckled to myself as I developed a plan in my mind

I grabbed the pillow from beside me and threw it at his face. He blinked and glared at me, making to throw it back but I used my super speed and stuck my tongue out at him when he growled. I quickly ran up the stairs yelling, "Nice try, Em!"

I laughed as I ran up the stairs, heading towards my room. I quickly thought against it when I saw my sisters inside, admiring the blue dress that was laid out perfectly on the bed. Knowing that they would ask me to model it again, I ran the other way into the next empty room. Right as I entered, the piano music cut off and Edward cocked his head towards me with a smile.

"Oh, sorry Edweird…" I mumbled and meant to walk away, but in a flash he was beside me and leading me back towards the piano bench.

"No, no its okay." He bent down in my ear as he whispered, "I wouldn't want to try on clothes, either."

I smiled and acknowledged him to continue his playing. I loved hearing him play. If he weren't a vampire, he could totally be famous. Like, legit. He was that good. He always promised me that he was going to teach me, but I lost interest in it. I don't have patience. Maybe later… I mean, I do have forever.

"Why do you dwell on that fact?" He asked suddenly, over the piano. I cursed inwardly as I remembered his ability to read minds.

I shrugged and he gave me a knowing smile. "I know that it's not the most thrilling thought- living forever-, but it will get better. I have just noticed you thinking about that a lot. Did something happen?" Oh, please. I knew that he could just see it in my mind.

Sighing, I figured I mind as well tell him. He was going to be my brother-in-law soon…

"Some woman at the dress shop realized who I was- you know, wolves and whatnot," His hands stopped on the piano, "and she kept saying that I was too young and telling me things that I already knew…"

I looked down at my hands and fiddled with them. "It's hard, you know? Like, you look old enough to at least pass for having a girlfriend- or wife- but I won't. I always thought I looked young for my age as it was, but… I don't know. It's stupid."

I let the rest of the story play out in my head. I didn't have the heart to say anymore because I would just feel… sad.

I tried to make a joke out of it, hoping I didn't look too vulnerable towards my soon to be brother-in-law.

"Can vampires really feel depressed?"

He said nothing, but only smiled and pulled me into a hug. At first I tensed. Edweird and I got on well, but haven't been too close. Reluctantly, I brought my arms around his waist and mumbled a thank you.

"You know. I was alone for quite some time before I met your sister." He said once he resumed playing the piano.

If I could blush, I would have. "Ugh, Edweird… can we please not talk about this?"

Edward shrugged, completely used to my nickname.

"All I am saying is: do not give up hope."

I scoffed. "Please, it was just a thought. I am not really one to worry about those things. I feel like it is only natural to think it in my position… right?"

Edward chuckled. "Of course, Briana. Now, how about we learn something?" He gestured toward the piano and I smiled, suddenly feeling ready to be patient.


End file.
